If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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