Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
