Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
