Duck Duck Cougar?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
