Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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