I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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