If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
