just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
