your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
