I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
