i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
