You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He has the fingertips of a God
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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