Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize