Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
