He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
