I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
