you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
