when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
