I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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