You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
