I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
