Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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