are you still at the devil's house?
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
