I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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