This is not my ceiling
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
