I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
