I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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