just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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