I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
