final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
