therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
