come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he puts the penis in happiness.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
