if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize