The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
