Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
