oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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