the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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