dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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