Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
