Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
