We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
