Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's blow job season.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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