so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
