i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
