I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
