My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
