I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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