Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
high people should be assigned attendants
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
