yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
