apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You ruined the universe
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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