I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
