the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize