Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
