K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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