can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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