I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sober January is a disaster.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
