your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
