my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
