My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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