i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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