Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
