Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
