I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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