dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
