Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
