If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
