alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
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