Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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