I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
