worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
