i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
