walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
