dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
