Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
