I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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