I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
