he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
