im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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