I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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