You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
