I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
