Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
