Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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