So drunk its hurt
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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