i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
