I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
