Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
