He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
