They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
